Stygian
by WildNoa13474
Summary: "It was the claustrophobia that really got to him. Not long after arriving here he'd gotten stuck in a janitors closet. The ensuing panic attack caused him to punch a hole through the steel door." Part 5 of the Identity Crisis series.
1. Subject K-317-H

**Why yes, I am beginning a Voltron fanfiction mere minutes after finishing the series. Why yes, I did watch the entire series in one day.**

 **Prepare. I am sleep-deprived and crazy.**

Three years.

It had been three years since Anomaly K-317-H had woken up at the Galaxy Garrison, chained in a cell without any memories.

He was released, kind of. They had him trained, take classes under the alias Keith, but kept an eye on him. And under no circumstance was he allowed to go outside.

The Garrison was more like a prison than anything else. He'd learned quickly, collected as much knowledge as possible and booked it.

He almost didn't make it out. He wouldn't have made it if it wasn't for Shiro. Shiro had helped Keith escape without notice.

Shiro was the one person Keith trusted. So when a year after he'd escaped the man went on a space mission and didn't return, Keith had thrown all his effort into finding him.

And another year later he finally did, and was immediately whisked off on some space adventure and before he knew it, he was saving the universe.

... Wait, what?

He didn't know how he'd suddenly entered some 80's sci-fi show, but somehow fighting felt natural to him.

The sword bayard he'd gotten fit him like it was custom made, it was expertly balanced and made of a strong and durable metal, and the weirdest thing was that Keith knew all that because he didn't remember ever seeing a sword in his whole life.

Not to mention how natural handling it felt. It came to him like he'd been doing it for years, if he didn't think too hard about it. His reflexes were way too good for not having held a sword ever.

He'd had a life before losing his memory, there was no doubt. Those sword skills, and the strange feelings he had felt that had made no sense at all...

He had felt horrified and started shaking when he saw the Princess and Conan in those capsules. The empty capsules were worse. Keith made it a point to stay as far away as possible from those things.

He also almost threw up when a corn-looking plant was served for food. For some reason.

It was the claustrophobia that really got to him. Not long after arriving here he'd gotten stuck in a janitors closet. The ensuing panic attack caused him to punch a hole through the steel door.

It was stupid, but Keith could've sworn in the dark of the closet that the walls were a dull bronze.

Keith hated not knowing who he'd been. If he didn't know who he had been, how could he find out who he was?

The Red Lion he'd been assigned was hidden in an alien base, of course, because nothing could ever be easy. The other two paladins on the mission with him split off, so he was on his own.

Keith growled as he hacked through the aliens, instinctively falling into a crouch to avoid some stray bullets and coming up spinning, taking out the soldier creeping up behind him with a swipe.

 _Too wide,_ he realized with horror. His muscles weren't used to fighting with a sword, no matter how much his mind was. The swipe went too wide, and missed the soldier completely.

A moment later he was slammed into the ground, groaning in pain. He rolled with the momentum and got up again, but the tide in the battle had already turned against him. The soldiers were ready to shoot and he was surrounded.

 _Fine_. If this was where he died, he would go out taking as many of his enemies with him.

For a moment the circle of soldiers was overlapped by another circle of enemies, no, a sea of them, surrounding him in a dark, horrible place where life was nonexistent-

With a roar, Keith attacked. He fought like a beast, barely defending himself from hits, only focused on the absolute destruction of his enemies. The thrill of the battle thrumming through his blood, a mad glint grew in his burning eyes as he decimated soldier after soldier.

Suddenly, Keith gasped as the floor fell away from him. He was falling, falling into empty space and he was going to _die-_

A great roar interrupted his thoughts. A flash of red caused Keith to turn his head towards it, and his eyes widened as he spotted the Red Lion flying towards him. It was saving him?

It saved him. Keith was deemed worthy of being the Red Paladin.

 ** _oooooooooooooooooooooooooo_**

His other teammates were... immature. Keith didn't think they understood that being a hero meant that they would never, never have a normal life again.

The rest didn't understand that in this line of work, death lay around every corner. Keith felt like he knew that better than anyone, although why he did was anyone's guess.

Despite that, he found himself growing attached to the others. They were all soldiers themselves, they had his back and he had theirs.

Keith just wondered when they would find out true heroes didn't exist. In the end, the title 'hero' is just a title.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

With every battle Keith fought he got better. His sword moved smoother, familiar actions guiding him. He knew sword moves that he didn't remember ever learning.

Sitting on his bed, Keith opened his bag and grabbed his dagger, the only thing he had with him when he woke up in the Garrison three years ago.

The dagger was made of a dull black metal that felt familiar to Keith. But looking at it, he couldn't help but feel like it wasn't right. The metal was supposed to have a shine to it, sharp and polished. And even the dagger itself looked wrong.

Keith sighed and put it away. That dagger was the only clue to who he was, who he used to be, and it was useless.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Keith was chosen to go to the Blade of Marmorra headquarters. He didn't even spare a thought to the dagger he always kept on him.

Keith didn't expect Shiro to remind him of what he'd said before as they were landing.

"I told you, if anything happens to me, I want you to lead the team."

Keith felt a shock of familiarity. A memory flashed through his mind, flickering and missing parts like a damaged record.

 _"... other side-! We'll see you there-"_

Keith's eyes widened, freezing up. He didn't register Shiro's worried voice or arms shaking him.

 _"Lead them!" Percy shouted. "Promise me!"_

 _"I- I will."_

Keith snapped out of it, his cheek stinging. He raised a hand to his cheek and felt something wet. Tears.

Shiro stood crouched in front of him, hands on Keith's shoulders, looking guilty. "I'm sorry, you were totally out of it so I had to slap you. Are you alright?"

Keith didn't respond, looking at his hand. He distantly noticed it was shaking.

That voice... The voice at the end of the memory, before Shiro had snapped him out of it, that was Keith's voice. It was younger, but there was no doubt that it was Keith's.

"What happened? Are you alright?" Shiro asked again, more insistent. Keith looked at him with wide eyes.

"I- I don't know."


	2. Trials of Marmora

Keith was out of it for the whole of the introduction to the headquarters. He felt numb, still in _what the hell was that_ mode.

Were his memories coming back?

He was snapped out of it by the leader's next words. "You were told to come unarmed."

"You also told us to identify ourselves." Keith snapped defensively, still on edge. "The Lions are about as close as we come to an ID."

"If anything happens, believe me, you'll be happy to have the Red Lion on your side." Shiro attempted to placate the other.

"I imagine we would." Was it just Keith or did the guy's voice have a dry tone to it? "However, I wasn't referring to your beast."

Keith was about to protest at the adress 'beast' when he realized what the leader had said.

Oh.

 _Oh._

Before he could react, a guard attacked him, using the element of surprise to get him down on the ground. The guard easily fished Keith's dagger out of his bag and held it up.

An uneasy murmur swept through the room. Everyone was staring at the dull dagger. The guard holding Keith loosened his grip slightly, in shock maybe.

"One of our blades." The leader finally said. "Where did you get it?"

Keith was surprised at how calm- if a bit unnerved- the man sounded. If it really was one of theirs, he would have expected anger and accusations of theft.

"I've had it ever since I can remember." He simply answered. Which wasn't a long time, so who knows, maybe he had stolen it and didn't remember. But that didn't feel right. That dagger felt like it was _his_.

"Can you confirm your companion's claim?" The leader asked Shiro, who looked between Keith and the dagger helplessly.

"I- I don't know." Shiro was looking at Keith with a questioning, slightly hurt look. Keith, in turn, tried not to feel guilty.

"It is ours. We will take it, then we can negotiate an alliance."

"Wait." Keith protested. "Somehow one of your knives ended up with me on planet Earth. Tell me how."

He wasn't just going to let the dagger go, either. It was his only clue to who he had been, _before_.

"That is not for you to know. This organization is built upon secrecy and trust. You will have to trust."

Keith wasn't convinced. "Where did it come from? I have to know."

There was a moment of silence before the other answered. "There is only one way to attain knowledge here."

"How? I'll do it!" Keith said desperately.

"The trials of Marmora. Should you survive, you may keep the blade as well as its secrets." The leader seemed unaffected by what he was implying.

"Survive?" Shiro asked incredulously. "Keith, this is crazy. Just leave the blade and do what we came here to do."

"I'll do it." Keith agreed, ignoring Shiro completely. Something inside him scoffed at the implied threat of death. _Like he hadn't faced that his entire life._

"Antok, give the boy the blade."

Keith turned around to accept his dagger back from the guard, not even bothering to get irritated at the adress of 'boy'. It was said with no malice, no disregard. It was simple fact.

"These trials will result in one of two things. Knowledge or death."

Survive, or die trying. Keith gave a wry grin at how familiar this situation felt.

Mere minutes later, he was standing in the first room of the trials. There was one opponent.

"Surrender the blade. You cannot win."

Keith bared his teeth and met him halfway.

 _Like Hades I can't._

* * *

Keith was having trouble.

He'd gone through several rooms, each with more opponants than the last, and he hadn't won a single time. He wasn't used to fighting with a dagger, he wasn't _meant_ to be fighting with a dagger. There had to be a different option.

He was slowly beginning to lose hope of ever making it out of here. That didn't mean he would give up, though. He would never give up, not as long as his heart was still beating and his blood was thrumming with adrenaline.

Another set of soldiers rose from the platforms beneath the floor, seven this time, facing a rather bruised and exhausted Keith.

Platforms beneath the floor.

The platforms.

 _"You are not meant to go through that door."_

Keith had thought the soldiers had said it because he hadn't beaten them. But...

With a yell, Keith attacked, throwing his dagger to block the closing hatch, and dodged the soldiers' weapons with all he had left. In only a few moments, he'd made it down, grabbing his dagger with him as he fell.

He landed roughly, rolling to break his momentum and pushing himself up again with difficulty. A door in front of him opened- Keith was so _sick_ of that sound- and he stepped through, his vision swimming. He was exhausted, he'd used all his energy simply to survive the onslaught of soldiers. Was the blade really worth that?

Maybe not. But his memories were. He had to find out who he used to be.

Keith dragged himself forward. He had to keep going, had to survive, to find out who he was, to- to-

To get back to his team. He had to get back to them.

Keith only made it a few more steps before he collapsed.

When he opened his eyes again after a moment of immobility, Shiro was there, telling him he could give up. That it was fine.

"I can't give them the knife, Shiro." Keith protested, his vision still swimming, but slightly less. The exhaustion was also less noticable right now. "It's my only way to find out who I really am."

"You already know who you are! You're a paladin of Voltron!"

He was more than that. He wasn't just a tool to be used and thrown **away** he had a **past** a **family, he deserved to remember it.**

"You're only thinking of yourself, as usual." Shiro raised his voice, scolding him, dismissing him.

 _No._

"I've made my choice."

"Then you've chosen to be alone."

 _Nonono this was all wrong._

 _Shiro_ -

Keith didn't even realize he'd called for Shiro to stop until his legs were moving and his vision was blanking and there was a bright light-

The light faded away and Keith found himself standing in what looked like the lobby of some sort of hotel on Earth. It looked clean and peaceful, the were a few plants in the corner, but the place was empty. The windows showed empty, abandoned streets and ruined houses. From the distance he could hear something, but it was too far away to make out. It sounded like screams.

A boom sounded through the air and the earth shook.

"I never thought I'd see you again, _il mio piccolo principe_ ," A soft voice rang through the silence that fell after the earth stilled. Keith whipped around to see a petite looking woman standing there, a gentle smile gracing her face.

"Mom?" The word fell from his lips and immediately he knew he was right. It just felt right.

The woman with the gentle warmth in her eyes and the tired but peaceful eyes was smiling sadly, at him, at the world.

Another soound dhook the earth, a loud rumbling closer than it had been before.

"What's going on outside?" He asked, worried.

"It's going to be fine, _tesoro._ Your father is here, protecting us." She held out his dagger, showing it to Keith. "This is what your father gave you. You remember, don't you?"

And for a moment, Keith felt safe and warm. He could ignore the loud sounds outside for now. His mother was welcoming him. His father was looking out for him. His-

There was something horribly, horribly wrong.

" _Mamma_ , where's Bianca?" He asked urgently.

Bianca. His sister. _His sister was supposed to be by his side she was supposed to be there she was-_

His mother only smiled, sadness in her eyes.

His eyes grew wide and he sprinted for the lobby door when another boom and screams rang out. He was halted only by his mother's voice. It was still gentle, but it now had a sense of urgency to it.

"Make the right choice, N-"

Another deafening sound- an _explosion,_ he realized in horror- filled the air and when he turned back to where his mother had been standing, she was suddenly much closer, words on her lips but not falling.

 _His name._ She had been saying his name. If he waited for her to speak, just for a few moments, she'd tell him his name.

Another explosion rang and Keith turned and ran outside, leaving behind his mother and with her everything he'd ever wanted.

There were choices and this was not one.

* * *

Keith blinked his eyes open to shaking and the sounds of explosions.

"Keith, are you okay?" Shiro ran towards him. He'd come back for Keith. The hotel- it had been a dream- no, a hallucination?

He was helped up as another explosion shook the ship.

"Stop what you're doing!" A Blade of Marmora member demanded.

"What...?"

"Call off your beast!"

Beast... Red? Red was attacking?

"Move out of the way!" Shiro commanded. "We're leaving!"

Oh..kay. The alliance plan had gone to shit, then?

"You're not leaving with that blade. It does not belong to you. You failed the trials! Give up the blade."

Like hell he was.

What he was, was dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes when Shiro dropped him to defend against the soldier.

Shiro was doing well, Keith saw when he'd managed to pull himself up again, but there was a whole group of soldiers approaching. They couldn't hold put against that many enemies, not in the state Keith was in. They had to get back.

"Take it."

He'd walked away from his mother. He could part with the blade.

"I know who I am."

He was alive. He was needed for Voltron. His personal feelings or wishes didn't matter. He was a hero, after all. For a moment he'd forgotten that.

Suddenly he realized the blade was ringing, shining, _calling out_ to him. The soldiers gasped as a blinding light burned from the dagger.

When it faded, he heard one of the soldiers exclaim, "You've awoken the blade!" but he didn't process it, he was too busy staring at the long, sleek sword in his hand. It was dark and cold, but shone as if it was newly polished. It fit perfectly in his hand and it felt right.

 _This._ This was his sword.

* * *

Later, back on the Castle of Lions, Keith remembered what the leader of the Blade of Marmora had told him.

 _"We, the Galra, used this metal in ancient times. It was the perfect metal, found on a planet far away from any other races. It was our triumph card." He paused for a moment. "That is, until we realized it would cut your soul out of your body."_

It was like a horror story for the Galra: if it was just a little nick, a small, superficial cut, your soul would drain out slowly, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop the process. Except kill you, that is. Some even preferred that, because it was said losing your soul was a horrible feeling, worse than any pain.

The planet with the metal was evacuated and destroyed for its danger and the Galra banned the metal from their every planet and all inbetween.

With a folorn sigh, Keith put the sword back in his bag. It was dangerous, no matter how much he loved holding it, no matter how his memories were almost coming back just by seeing it, no matter how well he could fight with it, like an extention of his arm.

It was this or destroying it, thought Keith. This was the better option.


	3. No Secrets In The Team

When Keith woke up two days later, the others were waiting for him in the Control Room.

Shiro had been by his room in one of his lucid moments and had told him he'd explained to the others about what happened in there, and that they'd managed to make an alliance with the Blade of Marmora.

Now it was up to Keith to explain his side.

The others were looking at him silently, waiting. Not judgemental, but curious. Even Lance was silent, but probably only because Allura told him to be, as he looked like he wanted to ask a million questiοns.

"As Shiro probably told you, even since I can remember I've had a blade. A few days ago I found out that it's Galran, and it was my father who gave it to me."

"Who'd give a knife to an infant?" Lance interrupted disbelievingly, but shut up when the Princess shot him a look.

Keith ignored him and braced himself for what he was going to say next. _No secrets between us._ "That's all I know about the blade, but now that I have your attention anyway there's something I haven't told you."

Shiro gave him a surprised look, not having expected Keith to say anything more.

"You have been keeping secrets?" The Princess asked, surprised too.

"Yeah, what happened to 'no secrets in the team'?" Pidge asked skeptically.

"It's not... Exactly a secret." Keith answered hesitantly, trying to justify not telling them to himself. "It's just another thing that you don't know about me. Shiro knows." He nodded to Shiro, who nodded back, now understanding.

Before he had opened his mouth again, Lance piped up in a hopeful voice. "You're gay?"

"What? No." Keith responded with a confused look.

He'd never really thought about his sexuality, but that wasn't important right now.

"I _wanted_ to say that Keith isn't my real name."

"Say what now?" Hunk asked what everyone was thinking. This caused Princess Allura to find her voice again.

"But.. If your name is not Keith, then what is it?"

"I don't know." He responded honestly. "It's what I've been trying to find out."

"Tell us." She commanded. "Everything."

So he did.

Keith explained how he'd woken up in the Garrison without any memories of his life before that. He told them how they tested him and kept him inside when they found an... oddity, in his blood. They had never told him what it was, maybe they didn't know themselves.

Keith told them how he'd escaped, eventually, with Shiro's help. How the man had gone missing on a mission a year later and he'd been searching for him ever since. And the rest they knew.

The strange apprehension of certain objects and situations, Keith kept to himself. He couldn't explain it to himself, so how could he explain it to the rest?

"The 'oddity' must have been the Galran blood!" Lance exclaimed triumphantly. Allura gave Keith an odd look he couldn't identify, but stayed silent.

"But, why did the Garrison even begin those tests?" Pidge frowned. "Do they do that with every new recruit?"

"Maybe. I don't know." Keith said. "But they found me unconscious, I'm pretty sure, so they could have been checking for health problems. Since, you know, desert. Extreme heat."

Pidge nodded in acceptance, although her narrowed eyes told Keith she thought there was more to it.

The team's easy acceptance relieved Keith. He wasn't sure why.

It was Coran who had to ask the difficult question. "Do you really not remember anything from before you woke on Planet Earth?"

Keith hesitated, before deciding there was no point in keeping it. "Only two things."

Every eye was now focused on him.

"On the way to the headquarters, something Shiro said triggered a memory." Keith continued, stubbornly ignored the hollow feeling tugging at him. Shiro's face held realization as he remembered.

"Well, what was it?" Lance asked impatiently. He clearly wanted to know more, which surprised Keith.

"I'm not sure. There were two people... hanging off a cliff?" He frowned as he tried to remember. "Right before they fell. I tried to save them, I think, but I couldn't."

A heavy silence settled over the room. Shiro nodded to Keith to indicate he should continue.

"Then in the Blade of Marmora headquarters, two days ago..." He paused. Two days? Three days? Oh well, it didn't really matter now. "I relived some sort of distorted memory."

Shiro nodded. "They told me it was part of the test. The most difficult of choices."

"I saw my mother." Keith confessed. "I don't know her name." He silently cursed his priorities, his hand curling into a fist. "I should have asked."

Unexpectedly, Allura came forward to hug him. Keith froze, uncertain, but relaxed slowly and she pulled back, tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Keith." She seemed to be sorry for more than just his faulty memory, but Keith let it go. He gave her a nod of graditude.

When Allura had sat down again, Keith continued.

"I remembered something in there." He told them. "My sister. Her name is Bianca."

There was a pause as Keith felt bitter. "I don't remember anything else."

"Thank you for telling us this, Keith." Allura said honestly. "You look tired, I think you should rest more. Tomorrow will bring new challenges."

Keith nodded numbly and turned to walk back to his room. Behind him, the room was uncharacteristically silent.


End file.
